Women are very skilled at practicing tolerance.
Being in meetings with others who drive you nuts by how long it takes them to communicate is painful.
Sitting in meetings where you are constantly angry, disengaged and fighting with yourself not to show blatant disrespect when your boss/partner/co-worker is speaking, is no way to spend time…
It sucks if you believe that this person is intentionally hijacking your time as a demonstration of their authority and power, and as an obvious intentional lack of respect for you.
There is one smart way that you can attempt to influence their way of communicating with you, and its the opposite of what ever fibre in your being wants to do….
You need to give them what they deeply desire – Make them feel respected. Make them feel heard.
Make them feel validated and that the outcomes and action steps required to be taken are understood.
If you’re dealing with this issue, there are 3 possible futures for yourself:
1. You Refuse To Respect Them
You continue to tolerate the meetings and you hate your job whenever it involves dealing with this person.
You handle the long conversations badly as usual, demonstrate your irritation by looking at the clock, looking at other things on your computer, avoid making eye contact, and act disrespectfully showing them that you want them to hurry up, because the last thing you’re going to do is show them respect….
They are annoyed by your presence, every time they see/think about you. You do not love your life.
2. You Choose To Respect Them
You make them feel respected by actually paying them respect. Become a better listener. Confirm back to them what you heard they said needed to be addressed or done.
Write it down to show it was important enough to write down. Listen. Stay present.
When you feel the indifference kicking in, demonstrate that you care again about getting the message and action items correct.
They feel respected. They feel heard. They feel validated.
Your future working with them will be smoother. You will enjoy most of your job.
You will not hate your life.
3. You Quit
Ask yourself this question, “Is it worth it to attempt to improve this issue by leaning in?”
You’ll hear the answer that’s true for you.
Practicing tolerance (for most women I know) could become an Olympic sport 😉
And, by the way – it will happen again…. Might as well get some practice in right now and watch how it influences their behaviour!
I suggest reading the book Whale Done, to see just how much influence you actually have by leaning in and paying respect as a strategy.
CEO She The Mighty
Michell is a best selling author, sales, leadership and business consultant. A grand slam, home-run, motivational speaker, she has spoken on stage more than 5000 times. More here.